"Gay" Food?

So after preparation for the Day of Silence, two of my friends and I had dinner. We got to talking about food (go figure, during dinner). My friends' names are Jake and Joan. They are good people.

Joan and I are both filipinos. We got to talking about how the offerings of the McCormick Hall cafeteria paled in comparison to the exotic filipino cuisine that we had become accustomed to growing up. This time we talked about rice. Minute rice from a cafeteria is not real rice. At least, it is not very good rice. I'm used to sticky, moist, sumptuous, soft, melt in your mouth, absorbant, spongy, sweet, reminiscent of the rice fields of my youth rice. That's real rice. Good rice. America = bad rice. At any rate, we broached the topic of ethnic food.

Now Jake, refusing to relegate himself to the sidelines of the coversation, blurted, "What would gay food be like?" or something to that affect. "Gay food?" I asked. Jake wanted to know what a ontologically gay cuisine would be like. How would THAT play out? I got to thinking - What would gay food be like?

Now I must concede that the gays, God love 'em, are not their own ethnicity. Thus we cannot claim a food to be our own. However, I think that it is funny to flirt with the possibilities.

Would we be cliche and eat hotdogs? Or something that resembled a vijayjay? Would the food be rainbow-colored? Would it even have colors? Would gay food be sweet? Like RAINBOW cake? or fudgcicles (they're phallic and sweet!!)? Would gay food use expensive spices and herbs, like saffron? We, as a people, are known for our expensive tastes. Would gay food be high in protein? Perhaps only meats like the argentinians. Would we claim 'spotted dick' as our own? Damn British, bunch a bloody food-stealing oppressors. Would we adorn our foods with flowers resembling the female reproductive nether region? Like orchids, or even with roses like in "Como Agua Para Chocolate." Would gay food be representative of the oppression that gay people have had to endure over the years? At times food can play that role in a culture. What sort of beverages would we serve? Perhaps cosmos will finally be claimed as the quintessential "gay" drink. In fact, all martinis will be claimed by the gays. Just some questions to ponder.

One thing I do know for sure about what gay food would be like. At least for gay men: gay food must NEVER be high in fiber. You figure it out.

Ciao for now.